I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her to come and talk with me that day. Hannah and I had known each other for three or four years. We first met when I visited NE India to see sponsored children and the schools that World Hope International had started. Hannah brought several sponsored children from the school where she taught to meet me. She was single at that time. By the time I returned, she had married.
She and her husband invited my husband and me to their home for breakfast one morning. He met us at the guest quarters to walk with us to their home. On the way, he explained how Hannah prayed for me every day since we had met. I was truly humbled by this! Why would she feel compelled to pray so faithfully for me? Our time together had been so brief, and although I thought highly of her I had no idea how deeply we had connected.
It was on a subsequent trip to India that Hannah asked if she could meet with me privately. I was happy to oblige. We sat together on the bed in my guest room and she began to pour out her story. “My parents are elderly,” she explained. “I am an only child. My parents are poor and were unable to pay a dowry when I got married. That did not bother my husband. He understood. But it is very difficult for me.”
Unless one understands the differences between the Western mindset and the Asian mindset, one will not grasp the extent of Hannah’s distress. Upholding honor is paramount. Everything is predicated on bringing honor to one’s family, according to an article in Psychology Today. Grades, achievements, careers, relationships…all center on how one is seen or judged by others. A daughter’s shame taints the honor and family name. A Chinese proverb says it this way: “A family’s ugliness (misfortune) should never be publicly aired. Yet it was common knowledge that Hannah’s parents had failed to provide a dowry for the young couple.
Although I did not have a great understanding of the culture, I sensed the intensity of Hannah’s distress and her need to somehow save face. I asked several questions about dowries and learned that they often provided items the newlyweds would use in setting up housekeeping, much like bridal showers and wedding gifts help newlyweds in our country. The difference is that these items are provided by the bride’s parents, and Hannah’s parents had not been able to contribute anything toward a dowry.
Often when I traveled internationally, my parents would give me cash with the instructions that I should use the money to respond to a need that might come up. This time they had sent $150 or $200 with me. As Hannah talked with me, I silently prayed asking God to show me if this was something He’d have me respond to. “Hannah, how much is a usual dowry among your people? If you had, say, $100 US would that cover a dowry? What would you be able to purchase with that amount?” I listened carefully as she responded to each of my many questions. I wanted to be certain that what I had tucked away from my parents would truly meet her need. And I wanted to be sure that she understood the source of the gift…that it was not coming from me personally or from World Hope International. “You know I don’t have a lot of money. World Hope International pays for me to come on these trips to check on the sponsored children and the schools. However, my parents gave me some money and asked me to use it somewhere that it was needed. I have that cash tucked away. Would this make a difference?” I asked as I handed her the bills. “Can you get US currency exchanged?” She assured me that she could.
Tears ran down Hannah’s cheeks. “You have covered my shame,” she exclaimed gratefully. We hugged and I prayed for her. Then she left.
Several weeks later, I received a letter from Hannah. In the letter she thanked my parents and me again for the gift. Then she went on to describe the items that she had purchased with the “dowry”. How grateful I was that my parents had supplied the resource to reach out to this very special young woman. My parents were not wealthy, but God used them over and over to supply the needs of others around the world. I am reminded of the song that says, “Little becomes much when we place it in the Master’s hands.”
*Not her real name to protect her identity.