I don’t like facing life without my soul mate. I hate the word, “widow.” But looking back, I realize God began preparing me for this phase of my life a long time ago!
When we were first married, I was only 19 and Art was not quite 21. I had never lived independent from my parents although the previous year I had gone to college 450 miles from home. I knew that if I got in a jam, I could always call my parents and they would do what they could to help me. In the first few years of marriage, I transferred my sense of security from my parents to my husband. Art always seemed to know what to do in any given situation. He was naturally a problem solver.
We joined a prayer fellowship in another state. But Art needed to return to Michigan to finish turning his construction business over to his brother. He left our young son and me with people I barely knew in a strange community, and with limited resources. This was before the days of cell phones and we had no landline in the house we were temporarily renting. I had no way of contacting him or anyone else back in Michigan. The days went by and I didn’t hear from him. I was lonely and afraid. And that gave fertile soil for Satan to bombard my mind with “what if’s.”
During our time there, the Lord was teaching me many lessons about my relationship with him and the truths of his Word and how they applied to my walk with him. It seemed that as I was learning these lessons, the Lord would give me the melody and words for a song that expressed what I was learning. One day when I was having a difficult time and feeling so fearful, it seemed the Lord impressed me with the thought that my security wasn’t in Art. Nor was my security in my parents or any other persons. My security was in him alone. He allowed me to sense the reality of his presence in a way I never had before. Then the words to a song came to me:
I love Thy presence,
Oh my God,
Thou art my Friend divine.
In Thee art all I need or want, security is mine.
As long as to Thy hand I cling
I need not have a fear.
I love Thy presence oh my God; I love to feel Thee near.
I love Thy presence,
oh my God,
Thou are my strength each day.
As we go hand in hand along life’s weary, lonesome way
Thy love upholds, defeats the foe,
and puts his powers at bay.
I love Thy presence oh my God, be near me now I pray.
That was my first lesson in learning that my security wasn’t in Art, but was in trusting God whatever the circumstances might be. Little did I realize at the time how important this was if God was going to open doors to ministry that would demand my trust in him alone. But it was learning this that gave me the confidence to take many steps of faith through the years. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
I don’t know what lies ahead, but I am confident that as I take the first step, God will be there to keep me safe. I am secure in his hands!